the death of an obsession

I've had a crush on this one guy I saw in a play for about a week or so now and from the first time I saw him I couldn't get him out of my mind. Day and night, he occupied my thoughts. Problem was, this guy falls under the category of "unreachables". Why is this so? Well, because he is part of the "showbiz circle", meaning you can't expect him (them) to interact with us mere mortals.

However, as is my wont, I did not let that stop me from befriending him. As a matter of fact, I felt an almost urgent need to befriend him. From my experience, befriending him was the only way to defuse my emotions towards him. To cut a long story short, I was able to acquire his phone no. and I have had the opportunity to exchange some messages with him. From our brief greetings and chats when I watched the play a second time and from our brief text conversation, I figured him for a swell guy. Quite the nice guy and polite as you please.

Now that we are "textmates" I've found that the inevitable has happened. I am not so enamoured anymore. I still find him attractive, sure. But I am not having naughty fantasies with him in it anymore. :D As I suspected, he became "a friend". Well, ok, maybe somewhere between acquaintance and friend. Point is, he is no longer "unreachable" and that killed the magic for me.

But when I think about it, possibly it is also because in my mind, I can't really see that there will ever be an "us", you know. Several points cross my mind:

• he's, at a guess, 8 to 10 years younger than me (but I won't take that against him, hehehe)
• he may already be seeing someone (or some two or three)
  
• he may be gay

In any case, I'm glad I don't get all googly eyed when I think about him. It is so tiring and flustering and frustrating, hehehe.

Oh, if the play has another run, I will surely watch one more time, whether or not he is in it, so long as Ricci Chan (the actor playing Didi) will still be there. Truthfully, he is the main reason I would watch and rewatch the show. :)

An obsession

I think I am going crazy! I have not felt this attracted to anyone in a long, long time. I blame it on hormones. Having no sex for the last 830 days will drive anyone crazy but apparently it drives normally rational people like myself absolutely nuts!!! Talk about pon farr!

I can't get him out of my mind! I see him in my dreams and I think of him the rest of the day. But guess what? I am not in love with him. I am simply swimming in lustful thoughts all day! Is this how it is for men? If so, then how do you get anything done? It is so difficult to concentrate.

Even in my dreams he is far away, out of reach.

I know from experience that so long as he is unreachable these thoughts will continue to spin through my head. That once he becomes a friend I am able to regain my control. Once I get to know him as a friend he becomes "untouchable". So long as he remains elusive, I continue to have lustful thoughts. More than anything now I REALLY want to be friends with him.

Rumor has it that he is involved with someone (or two) at the moment. If so, I don't want to get in the middle of that --- unless he is amenable to something with me, that is, hehehe.

But seriously --- short of hooking up with an old fubu, friendship with him is my best solution.