My office, my haven

At times I feel like life starts to crowd me and the world starts closing in and I just want to escape. But I can't just up and leave. I've found that I find solace in work --- or specifically in my computer. I can spend all day in front of the computer. Checking and answering my emails, blogging, chatting, or working. I am at peace.

But this peace is only present at night. During the day, no matter how I wish otherwise, I keep getting interrupted by the doorbell, the phone, the folks asking me to do this or that, kids (bugging me for whatever reason) --- aaargh! How in the world is a person supposed to think!

And so, I choose sleepless nights and short daytime naps just for some peace ... and quiet ... and productivity.

More than ever I keep wishing that I lived alone but, unfortunately, I just can't afford to. Thus is the result of my choosing not to join the corporate jungle. Well, maybe someday I will find myself swinging from branches with all the other apes.

Fogged-up brain

How in the world am I supposed to get any work done? I have men and sex on my brain. Aaargh! Actually, I can blame my assignment on this. I have to do a series of articles on dating ... which kind of emphasized the fact that I haven't been doing any dating in so long, I think I've forgotten how to act and be in one --- a date, that is.

Instead of working on the article I find myself more inclined to write about different hotties that I can't get out of my head --- top of the list is Victor Webster. And then there are the local hotties -- I won't even mention names anymore.

Long distance relationships SUCK! Honey, when are you coming home to me?

Xenical - Day 11

It's the 11th day on Xenical and so far these are my stats:

• Weight: 138 lbs.
• vital statistics: 36-30-39

I guess it must be working. 4 lbs. lost since Day 1 and 2 inches off my waist. All I need now is a more aerobic exercise/lifestyle.

What I hate about Xenical --- I'm hot and sticky all the time. Sigh.

Indifference

Your indifference bothers me. It's like an itch I can't scratch. I get it. There are just people we don't hit it off with --- the vibe is all wrong or something.

Or maybe you really have intense privacy issues and you feel that I have invaded your privacy. If I have I do apologize. I knew going in that you may react adversely to my overtures of friendship. But nothing ventured, nothing gained, right?

You are not very communicative, it seems. But maybe that is just with me. Your friends tell me that you actually do talk a mile a minute when the chemistry is right and, apparently, it isn't for us. Joey and I, we haven't really had a chance to talk much when face to face, but on the net, we manage to talk up a storm. So, yes, the chemistry is there with him.

The chemistry I am looking for is friendship. I don't really expect anything more ... especially considering my situation.

That I find you attractive is a given. That you DON'T find me attractive is obvious. At least, I'd like to think you don't find me repulsive. I can't help but think at times that it isn't even just my appearance that turns you off but my personality as well. I may come on too strong. This is not to say that I have been pursuing you, 'cause I haven't. It is just my realization that I have a very strong (sometimes overpowering) personality and it may, at times, scare people.

You may think I only like you because of your current popularity and I will be honest. I like you initially because I admire your talent. And then I got to like you more when we had short chats and text exchanges. Recently, though, it seems like you've been giving me the cold shoulder and it bothers me ... but not enough for me to pursue it.

Just to set the record straight ... I don't watch the play because you are in it. That is incidental. They could replace you and I would still watch it. I actually find it interesting when different people play the same role. I am curious to see the "attack" on the character. I am rarely disappointed.

I will try NOT to get affected by your indifference. There are other people who are happy to see me and enjoy my company. I need not force my attentions on you. Sometimes I may still get the urge to text you. I hope you will forgive my lapses. The offer of friendship still stands.

Xenical - Day 8

I took my measurements, as instructed, to monitor my supposed weight loss. Here are the results:

• weight: 141 lbs.
• vital statistics: 36-31-39

I'm happy about the 1 inch off my waist, but all I lost is 1 lousy lb? What the?!? I was expecting maybe 3 to 5, not 1!

Sigh ... I guess it will be harder than I thought. I wonder if there is any chance of going down to 130 lbs. by the end of May?

I'll let you know in a week.

The pic attached was taken on April 30, barely 3 days since I started taking Xenical. Was there any discernable weight loss? Mukhang wala pa.

unsettled and confused

I'm confused. You blow hot and cold on me. Sometimes you are so friendly in a chummy kind of way. I don't mind that. Then at times you get all aloof and it seems like you look through and around me --- like I am invisible.

There are times, however, when I find you looking at me and you seem to have this funny look in your eye and I don't know how to read it. Are you weighing me, maybe? Or are you just trying to figure me out? Do I have a smudge on my nose? Is my shirt on backwards? Did I say something out of line earlier? What is it?

I don't know how to place myself with you. I'd love to have a better friendship with you than we currently have. I wish you would vocalize your thoughts so that I am not left guessing. It is unsettling to think I may have done something to offend you.

A part of me hopes that you like me ... just the thought of the possibility makes me smile. And yet, with all the questions going around --- questions about your marital status and sexual preference, to name a few --- I find myself hesitant to intrude into your life.

I figure, if you want me to know that much about you, you wouild let me know yourself. I will not ask you or believe in the gossip. Oftentimes we find malicious people behind gossip anyway, so it isn't really worth listening to.

What I feel for you is so far undefined. I don't know if I will ever define it beyond --- a very strong attraction.

You are beautiful and witty (when you choose to speak) and you can be charming. I know I am not your type and that's ok. It doesn't bother me that much. A lot of men I find attractive seem not to care for my looks (and height) so it really isn't anything new.

I won't lie ... I'm a trifle lonely and possibly affection-starved.

Friends, I have a few. Acquaintances, more than I can count. As for flirtations --- I've hit a brick wall.

I've found that flirting is fulfilling and does not necessarily lead to sexual intimacy. I just like it for the game. Sometimes I like to feel beautiful and sexy. I haven't felt either way in a long, long, time.

Ticket sales for Zsazsa Zaturnnah, Ze Muzikal Rerun

April 22 - sold 55 tickets for the evening show
April 30 - sold 3 tickets for the matinee
April 30 - sold 64 tickets for the evening show

Total no of tickets sold for Zsazsa Zaturnnah, Ze Muzikal Rerun = 122 tickets.

Total value of tickets sold = P82,100.00

Wow! I sold a lot! Hope I can do it again (and even better!) for the next run.